El Pavimento del Framptonos
Note to visitors: The people of Maiden Newton and Frome Vauchurch have always taken a keen interest in the comings and goings of their good friends in Frampton. Below are three special reports on the �improvements� to the road through Frampton produced exclusively for this web site.
NB. These reports were written prior to the enforcement of EU Directive a356 (European Standardisation of Place Names) under which the former �Frampton� acquired its new and splendid name - Framptonos.
Pedestrian Puzzler
After two weeks of trying Dorset County Council reports that they have not, as yet, had any luck with their Pedestrian Detector in Frampton.
�It seems�, said a spokesperson, �that the people of Frampton are so pleased with their new �700,000 pavement that they have resolved not to wear it out or even, apparently, risk getting it dirty.�
Pedestrian Spotted in Frampton!
Whilst driving through Frampton the other day I was amazed to see a pedestrian taking a stroll on the splendid new �700,000 pavement. It is so good to see it being used at last. I asked him if I could take his photograph and he said �You can do anything but lay off of my blue suede shoes�.
Frampton - world heritage site in waiting?
Several people, knowing the avuncular interest I take in all things Frampton, have asked me if I am able to explain the significance of the strange road markings which have recently appeared in that delightful village. There have been suggestions that they are some form of traffic calming, but since all they seem to do in this respect is create confusion this explanation appears to be quite implausible. There has also been some unpleasant muttering along the lines of �Haven�t they spent enough money on that village already?� After some careful investigation I am pleased to announce that I can now put the minds of the respectively curious and uncharitable at rest.
During the preparation work for the new road (and pavement) a number of amazing discoveries was made. At regular intervals, all along the road, patches of soil were found to be darker and more friable than in the surrounding soil. In almost all these patches human remains and burial goods were found. Experts were called in from Southampton University and confirmed that the engineers had stumbled upon the longest (and narrowest) Neolithic burial site in Western Europe.
These early Framptonites placed their graves in three parallel, not very straight, rows. Each grave was cut in the shape of a boat suggesting that they had been at one time a seafaring people. After the Southampton team had finished its excavating and surveying the engineers had to be allowed to continue with their work on the new road (and pavement) and it was decided that once the road (and pavement) was complete each grave would be marked for posterity in the way that we see today every time we drive through the village. This act of commemoration was paid for with grants from the EU Heritage Fund and the Lottery and a jumble sale held in nearby Maiden Newton.
A few interesting facts have emerged from studies of material collected at the site:
1. Osteoarchaeological studies of knee and hip joints have shown unusually little wear suggesting that these were a very sedentary folk. This latter view is supported by DNA analysis of hair samples showing that there was little, er, genetic interchange between one end of the village and the other.
2. It was found that each row in the three rowed layout was occupied by people of a different caste. The northernmost row was for the elders, the middle row for the Warrior Kings* and the southernmost row for the much feared Shamans. (This, incidentally, may explain why there are no houses built on the south side of the road. The prevailing theory that they were all destroyed in the Great Fire of 1321, 1322 and 1323 has always seemed fanciful to me).
3. The shape of the burial site may seem puzzling at first, but the new road markings, seen from an aeroplane, make clear the intentions of these early people. They believed that their dead would journey along a river to a glorious land far to the north-west. Some rare, early ostraca found in two of the graves indicate that they believed this place to be about three miles away.
Sadly, as always in this cynical age, there has been carping criticism. Some have argued that the markings are a hazard to traffic and, indeed, it is by no means clear whether one is expected to drive over them, weave around them or stop to admire them. However I think that the small number of road traffic accidents they are likely to cause will be a small price to pay.
Frampton now has one of the finest archaeological sites in Europe and talk of it becoming a World Heritage Site may not be all that premature. At least we can be sure of one thing � when the tourists come flooding in they will have a very nice pavement to walk on.
*The greatest, and apparently tallest, of these Warrior Kings was laid to rest in the grave outside nos. 1163, 1165 and 1167 Dorchester Road.
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